November 1, 2018

Congratulations! You’ve finally left him. Let us all slow clap as you ignore his messages and block him on social media.


Mixed feelings take over your body. You feel heartbroken. You feel angry. You feel disappointed. You feel proud of yourself and excited to start your new life without him. Most of all, you feel petty. Petty Wap. Petty Labelle. Blac Chyna.


Source: Urban Dictionary


Yes, petty. You can’t wait to go to the club and post photos of your half naked ass on social media to make your ex mad. You channel your inner LaLa Anthony at the mall and purchase every see-through blouse, skirt, and dress in sight. All the emotional eating you’ve been doing to feed your broken heart has caught up to your thighs. Depending on where you angle your cell phone camera, you’re either fat as hell or slim thick with your cute ass.


At the club, you only take photos on your slim thick side. A decent looking man comes up behind you on the dance floor, expecting you to twerk for him like a free stripper. You dance on him like your life depends on it as your petty friend quickly snaps photos of you and sends them to your phone. As soon as she’s completed her task, you tell the decent looking man to get the hell off of you and turn down his request for your number. You spend the rest of the night, wondering what your ex is doing as you two step to the bar.


The next morning, you upload the photos to your social media with captions that read, “Enjoying life” and “Just another Friday night.” Then, you crawl back into bed, thinking about your ex. You secretly hope he sees the photos even though you’ve told everyone, “I don’t care about him!”


Being petty won’t give you closure.


I’ve posted photos to my social media to prove that I was alright. Drunken nights at clubs with guys who wanted to touch my body, made me feel good for a moment. The photos we took documented my transition into singlehood but failed to capture my true feelings. Behind every smile was rage for the guy that broke my heart. I looked at photos thinking, “Damn, I look good!” followed by, “How could he not want to be with this?”



I wanted my ex to pay for mistreating me. I wanted him to feel what I felt on the nights I stayed home, waiting for him while he was at the club with his homies. I thought of the times I asked to join him, his response always being, “It’s just me and the guys tonight, bae.” I wanted him to feel the frustration I felt when I’d find photos of him with girls he happened to link up with when he went out with “the guys”.


So, I went out to the same clubs he went to, taking photos of what looked like a good time with my girls. I posted the photos out of spite as if the only person who’d see them on the World Wide Web was him. He responded a couple of times in messages saying, “Oh, I see you’re going out now.” He would ask who I was with and which guys tried to talk to me. In response I would say, “It’s none of your business” and “You’re not my boyfriend anymore. You should have thought of that when you were with me.”


For a moment, the feeling was satisfying. He was jealous. It felt good. Then, it felt horrible all at once.


It felt horrible because it wasn’t me. Hurting someone for my own satisfaction was out of character even if they hurt me first. I was trying to move on from him and the complicated feelings that came with my love for him but there I was, perpetuating more pain between the two of us. There I was encouraging his constant contact with me when I knew communication just made the process of leaving him more difficult.


I was showcasing a false image of myself on social media for attention. I received the wrong attention from guys requesting my phone number and dates. I didn’t want them. I just wanted closure.


Being petty didn’t give me closure. Even after my ex responded with a lengthy apology, I wasn’t satisfied. I was denying my feelings by pretending they didn't exist. I went out more. I found distractions to keep me from my pain. But, denying my feelings also meant postponing my healing.


I found closure when I discovered healthy ways to heal that didn't involve my ex.


I’ve learned that closure won't come from the person that hurt you. It starts with your willingness to move on from the pain. It’s taking your time. Closure is the ability to reflect on your past, choosing to learn from the things you can't go back and change. It’s finding the victory in overcoming your heartbreak.

So, you can keep posting photos to Facebook and angry Tweets on Twitter. You can continue to put your private love life on blast for the world to see. You can stay in contact with your ex, instigating dramatic arguments just to have a small piece of him exist in your life.


You can be petty or you can admit to your pain. You can face your feelings head on and allow yourself time to grieve your broken relationship. There is nothing more satisfying than hearing your ex say, "Oh, I see you doing well now. What's up?" It's even more satisfying to walk away with your head held high, at peace with yourself and your ability to move on.




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