September 27, 2018

3 days… That’s all it takes. 3 days of unconditional, purely insane, stay at the top of my IG search bar, obsession.


You know that butterfly feeling you get in your stomach when that one person you can’t stop thinking about likes your selfie or messages you back on Snapchat? Mine becomes all consuming, but with a kicker... it only lasts for 3 days. Yep, 72 hours is all! Then I’m over him until he gives me another reason to obsess again, which is usually unlikely because I’ve already played every creepy scenario in my head that he will never live up to.


It really starts as a progression, each day slightly different from the last...


Day 1: Obsession


It’s not like I’ve never met this person. It’s like, all of a sudden, I get this urge that I NEED to be with them. One consistent factor is that these instant crushes of mine have either expressed that they don’t want to be with me or there is no possible way in hell that I would ever be able to meet them, i.e. they are a celebrity.


Once the click happens in my brain, I have to check their IG right away! I need to learn everything possible about this person, find the picture I’ll screenshot and send to the group chat, and then pinpoint all of the great qualities I will use to talk about this person for the next 72 hours.


Next, it goes one of two ways: celebrity edition and real-life-person that is my friend edition.


Celebrity Edition: I look up YouTube interviews of them, follow all of their social media, and Google them to figure out their height, birthday, astrological sign, and their relationship status. I kid you not, I go full stalker mode! I may save a few pictures for later and start to fanaticize about all of the ways we could run into one another.


Real-Life Person That's My Friend Edition: I’ll find a little excuse to see them or be a little extra flirty in texts. I try not to be too extra because they already know me! I can’t go full stalker mode on a friend! But, you best be knowing, I’m taking screenshots and finding any excuse to bring them up in conversation. This of course annoys the shit out of my friends, but they know that this too shall pass within the next 48 hours at this point.


Day 2: Fantasy

The stalking continues, but I try not to talk about my crush as much to my friends. Usually, by this point I have annoyed my friends with consistently bringing them up and because I hate being that friend, I keep it all in my head (which is probably worse and way more dangerous).


Day 2 is the fantasy day. My mind has dedicated all of the extra free time that I have in my day to creating and replaying scenarios about my crush over, and over, and over again!


“Oh hey, I didn’t see you there”

“Wow! Hi! You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met!”

“Oh stop! You’re a famous celebrity. You meet beautiful girls every day. I’m nothing special!”

“Yes, you are!” *Gets down on one knee* “I know we just met, but I NEED you to marry me or I’ll never be able to live with myself!”

“In that case… okay!”


Okay. They are way less cheesy and way more “realistic” than that, but you get the picture. I’m sure you’ve stared out the window of your car on road trips and had a whole lifetime happen in that one drive. Don’t judge me!


Day 3: Over It


I quietly scroll through their feed. I intensively wait a few hours to respond or watch their Instagram story, but the feeling is fading. Our romantic fling is coming to an end in my head and my heart. I imagine all of the ways it could go completely sideways and how it would never even work out in the first place. So, I talk myself out of it, but not until after I tell my friends I’m completely over the idea. In return, they roll their eyes and wait for the next obsession to come along.



Our romantic fling is coming to an end in my head and my heart.


My biggest problem isn’t finding someone to meet my standards or that can keep my interest for longer than a couple of days, weeks, or months at a time. It’s that, by the time my crush has walked up to me, I’ve already played out how our conversation will go, how our relationship works, and the inevitable breakup that leaves one of us feeling empty and the other disappointed.


I’m just saving you some pain, boo.

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