Disney is full of shit. Okay, maybe not; but they’re the only people I can think to blame for these false ideologies floating around about love. I got into a relationship with what appeared to be my ‘Prince Charming’ and he showed his ass.
Sit back and enjoy the tea sis…
Unlike most women, I never believed in fairytales. To me, the idea of a “fairytale” was just a societal expectation for women to abide by. Yes, even the 8 year old version of myself did not agree with this ideology. I’ve lived most of my life failing with love and moving on. Marriage was never on my radar and I wasn’t waiting on my Prince Charming either. When I encountered someone who appeared to be my ‘Prince Charming’, he proved my ideations of love to be true. I can admit, I shot my shot with Prince Charming and fell on my ass after cheating. I guess I’m just not good at love on either side. After confessing to my Prince my wrongdoings, he scolded me and made me feel like scum of the earth. It was apparent that I was tainted and deserved no parts of love. I cried for days on end and fully faced my actions. My consequence? Living without him. He was a gem and I messed it up for a kiss with someone else. I had to deal.
After 7 days of wailing on my bedroom floor and walking around with bloodshot eyes, I finally started to feel better and see the bright side of my mistakes. I spoke confidence into my existence and refused to allow my mistakes to ruin me. I was just going to live my life until love decided to make its unexpected return. That’s until I got a message from what used to be my Prince:
“Hey, are you free to talk tonight?” he asked.
“Yeah, I don’t have anything planned. Come through” I responded.
We agreed to meet at my place. Confused by what he may say, I held my heart. I prepared myself for more ridicule; allowing only a small glimpse of hope for “us’. Maybe the Prince had changed his mind and realized I was truly sorry. But what he was preparing to tell me was the plot twist of a lifetime.
Sis, the team is just brewing up.
He did one thing right: he was honest. His honesty came after I was honest one week prior and 10 months of being fully ‘committed’. 10 months after I had allowed myself to be vulnerable, open, and free within love. 10 months of him living with his guilt and never saying a word about it. What I had assumed to be the perfect love story had actually resulted in him cheating twice: One month after our love story began and once halfway through. After hearing those words: “I slept with *****”, I felt every ounce of love leave my body and it was instantly replaced with “Niggas ain’t sh*t” type vibes; I was cold. I should have known that our love story was way too perfect; humans just don’t function in that manner. I fucked up and it turns out that my ‘Prince Charming’ had fucked up first. As he hugged me and told me he was sorry, I remember questioning if what we had built was even real. I proceeded to fill the silence with every question and thought that crossed my mind:
“You slept with her twice?” “Where did this happen?” “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Why are you telling me now?” “Did you use a condom?” “I need to get tested.” “Why did you sleep with the same girl?” “Do you still have feelings for her?”
As he attempted to answer my array of questions, chileeee my internal mind was pressed. One question was on my mind more than the others: “Was he only honest because I decided to be honest 7 days prior?” Here was the guy that was my best friend, my comfort and peace of mind telling me that he had violated my trust before I even thought to violate his. As much as I wanted to curse his name, I couldn’t help but be comforted by his remorse. For every negative thing that came to mind, my mental reminded me of the good times. I had now become the girl that was considering taking this negro back. I was contradicting all the advice I had ever given my friends in the name of love. I now understood that my friends were not in fact crazy...I had been introduced to the power of love.
The following hours were a cluster fuck. A part of me wanted to walk away. Just because I did it doesn’t mean I want to tolerate that same energy. A wise man once said, ‘I’m good love, enjoy’. But the other half of me knew that people make mistakes and people deserve second chances (sometimes). There was no point in comparing apples to apples...we were both wrong.
Before this ugly truth bared its’ face, I was happy. If I’m being honest, I’m still happy. Sounds crazy right? I know, but the good outweighs the bad by a lot. Often times, we throw people away in hopes to find something better or something close to perfection. The reality is, no one will ever fit our perfect mold. We can search and search for years but whoever we end up with will be flawed in some way. Am I making excuses for my Prince? Absolutely not. I’m proceeding with caution. I believe we both had a lesson to learn here but to throw it all away without giving it a shot kinda sounds ridiculous; even for the girl who never believed in love. I’ve learned that Disney wasn’t completely off their rocker. Love can be all that it appears to be and more. What Disney neglected to tell us that love takes hard work and forgiveness sometimes; but sometimes those hard times can make you stronger.
Besides, who wants a perfect love story anyways? Cliché.
Jandeltha Rae is a 25 year old creative from Minneapolis. With a love for words, poetry is her vice; it's her most powerful outlet and biggest aide through her journey. Outside of poetry, she has a love for podcasting as host of If Anyone Cares (If-Anyone-Cares.com), modeling and photography. She enjoys making connections, making people laugh and just vibing with other beautiful souls. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter: @jandeltha_rae
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