June 15, 2018

What is the independent woman supposed to do when the right love has knocked on her door? How is she supposed to respond to being spoiled? Is there a rule-book or guide to teach her how to be interdependent? I didn’t think so.


My whole life, I’ve been independent. Mama just raised me that way. I’ve never thought I had to be anything less than that. Simply put, my ex wasn’t shit. He did the bear minimum, lived under my roof for free and could barely borrow me $20 when I needed it. He was my child; deadweight that I didn’t need. If anything, he further drove my need to be independent and fend for myself. I would never allow myself to be in the position to depend on a man financially, emotionally or physically. I lost myself in love once before and refused to do it again. I was bad all on my own.


Fast forward a year or five, we broke up. Figures. Following that breakup, I spent three years doing me. Not giving anyone the time of day and transforming into the best version of myself. I was done with love. I had finally blossomed into a independent butterfly that needed everything but a man. I was happy. I came to the conclusion that I may never get married, and if I’m being honest, I was truly okay with that.


Until I found him, that is.


How does the independent butterfly remain independent and in love?


How does she allow herself to be spoiled? Why does he keep paying for dinner? Actually, why does he keep paying for everything?  I’ve been trying to find the balance between remaining independent and being in love. He is my biggest distraction yet my biggest supporter. I went from grinding all day to spending 24 hours laying naked in bed with him and getting nothing done. Worst part? There’s a part of me that doesn’t care. I finally found the love I deserve and I’m having a hard time separating from it to do adult like things.  I’m locked up in the love shack and I don’t know how to break out. When did I become the girl that skips going out with her girls to cuddle up with bae instead?


Either way, I can’t win. I spend too much time with bae, my friends become upset. When I don’t hangout with bae, he becomes antsy and confused. I’m convinced there’s no happy medium; just a constant push and pull. How do I break it down to my single friends that its’ ‘bae time’? How do I not lose myself in this healthy companionship?


The answer? I still don’t know…


I’ve come to the conclusion that there will always be a push and pull until my friends find love because they can’t relate (which may take a while).  In all honesty, I want to be selfish. I love the love shack. It’s cozy, I’m well fed and we’ve made it a pleasant home. Most importantly, it’s healthy. I’m madly in love with that fact alone. For the first time in my life, I’ve found a partner who is committed to loving me the same way I love myself. Captivating is an understatement. When you find a good man, it’s easy to make him top dog. It’s easy to want to lay up and give him all your loving because he actually deserves it.


But what about the rest of the world? My friends? My family? The people that need me?

I’m trying to find the balance between both worlds, but until then, you can find me in the love shack.



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