June 12, 2018

“This can’t happen again,” he says as he plays with my curly mess of bed-head. “Okay.” I sigh as I turn toward him wrapping my leg around his naked body. “I mean it this time. We shouldn’t have started in the first place.” His fingers trace the curves of my body, as I lay naked in his bed, for the 6th time. “Is it not going to happen again tonight, or after I leave?” I say, biting my lip and moving my leg up his body to remind him of how flexible I can be. We already finished round two, why not go a few more while I still had the chance. He did have a girlfriend after all; I had to get it while I live it.


I was enticing to him, wanting nothing more than his body and touch.


It was easy, no soul ties, no complicated emotions, just good sex. I liked the fact that I didn’t have to entertain him throughout the day; he had a girl for that. All I did was feed his ego while he fed my body, and the feeling of being desired is one of the strongest feelings, after being loved of course, but I had enough of that for myself. I was busy and the thought of entertaining someone emotionally sounded draining and the complicated part about f*ck buddies is someone always ends up catching feelings and then I have to dead that because that’s the part I am always trying to avoid.


There’s an unreal dopamine rush in the power of passion. The ability to control someone with the lust they have for you in intoxicating. This may make me sound like a sociopath, but the high I felt from the chase and the power drunk teasing gives me is unmatched. I’ve been in love, that hurts, the most beautiful hurt there can be and the longevity of it is enchanting but in my mind, nothing compares to the ecstasy and thrill that is desire.


The funny thing is, I look back on my psychological warfare that is my sex life and many of the men that I have slept with have been in relationships. The oddest thing is, I don’t know why. Single men don’t seem to find the same appeal in me as men in relationships. My theory is that my independence and un-wanting of a relationship is more enticing to taken men than single men, because deep down they eventually will want to look at you as something more and I don’t offer that something more for them. Where as for taken men, I am a reminder of the thrill that was the chase, without any of the complicated “what’s next” attached with it.


I make the perfect mistress.


Now, here’s my biggest problem, I like to recycle my men. It keeps the body count low and the kitty happy, plus then I know what I’m getting myself into every time we hook up. I’m not a one-night stand, test drive, hit it and quit it kind of girl. If you want to hook up with me, it will be more than once. It’s not my fault that I want consistent dick, the biggest issue is that dick belongs to someone else… I don’t actively seek these men, that’s the funny part. They all seem to fall into my lap. My dad always warned me about a “Sanders Curse” and I think I’m starting to see it. We’re all big ass flirts, even when we’re not trying to be. It’s seemed to get me into a lot of trouble. I’m not going to lie, there’s a thrill and a huge ego fluff that comes with hooking up with guys that are taken. I would be lying to ya’ll and myself, and that’s not what this platform's about. It’s about standing in your truth and healing through storytelling.


I rolled back over and started kissing him on the neck, he lets out a little moan and whispers “f*ck it,” sounds like it’s time for round three.



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